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Bellaire Broiler Burger

There's this guy...the Texas Burger Guy and there are several things about him.
1. He beat me (kinda) in my quest to hold a burger taste test. Though I am limited to Houston, it seems that he has already visited most of my "joints."
2. He started in 2004. MEGA DEFEAT.
3. This guy is legit. He even has a terminology post. I am therefore un-legit. Illegitimate.

Terminology

Oooze Factor - The lifeblood of a good burger. This is the unidentified liquid that ooozes from the burger as you bite into it. Good burgers have it. Bad burgers don't. Oooze Factor will be measured using a 10 point scale.
1 - Death Valley
5 - A Summer Stream
10 - Niagara Falls

Herd Killer - This measures the sheer size and weight of a burger. A true herd killer burger makes you start to really worry that man may be violating his responsibilities at the top of the food chain. A good herd killer burger is a chore to eat and one that you brag about eating to your friends.
1 - Them Calves Run Real Slow
5 - Bessie and Bertha Between Two Buns
10 - Bovine Armageddon

Handling - This measures the number of hands required to hold and position the burger for consumption. Normally - it only takes 2 hands. Normally - you will only have 2 hands. But - in the rare event that a burger requires three hands or more to hold while you eat - well I just want to be able to discuss that in the review.
1 - Look How Cute
5 - Keep Both Hands on the Wheel
10 - Bring in a Crane

Bling Bling - How much am I going to have to fork over for this delicious burger? I suspect most of the time this will be about the same for most of the burgers I review. But - some of the real herd killers do cost a few more bucks as they are the main attraction at the restaurant.
1 - Couch Change
5 - Say Goodbye to Honest Abe
10 - Seek Financing

And I'm really competing with THIS guy?! BUT I DO HAVE MORE PICTURES!
Still, check him out. Especially if you are a Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Kerrville reader ;)
So....redemption time?

Bellaire Broiler Burger


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It seems appropriate to be writing this as I'm sitting here, missing my brother who is away on a mission trip. Right before I left for Colorado, we ventured to a local favorite: a dumpy looking place called Bellaire Broiler Burger.
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There is truly nothing spectacular about the appearance, but hands down, I'm pretty sure this are my favorite burgers. So the truth comes out finally....I am slightly biased in this little taste test, but really, maybe I just want to be proved wrong....
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We decided to have a picnic instead of dining in
AND For the review, time to go HEAD TO HEAD with the Texas Burger Guy (TBG)...

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TBG Oooze Factor
"A little light on the ooze. I didn't have anything running down my arms and didn't really have any use for a napkin when eating the burger. It was moist enough though - just not very ooozy. The burger came in a cute little paper burger robe that was not even the least bit wet after the burger went bye bye.
Oooze Factor Rating: 4"


ME Oooze Factor
I don't feel that oooze factor makes or breaks a burger. That said, Becks Prime comes immediately to mind when I hear the term. Bellaire Broiler Burger (BBB) does lack in possessing that factor, but I do not think it is missed here. The beauty of this burger is how it feels both light and extremely filling at the same time. It satisfies my appetite, but I do not fill weighted down.
Oooze Factor Rating: 5

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TBG Herd Killer
"The burger I ate was a 1/3 pound patty. It was flattened out pretty good. Not really a thick and hearty meat patty by any means. The best thing about the patty was it absorbed the american cheese that was melted on top of it. So much so that the cheese melted down into the grooves of the meat itself. Kindof like the meat and cheese became a new creation... a "chatty" if you will. It was evident the cheese was melted into the meat because it all stuck together during the first bite. That may be more info than you wanted - but oh well - for you connoisseurs out there - you'll know what I mean. All in all - the herds are safe from being exterminated by BBB.
Herd Killer Rating: 3"


ME Herd Killer
Definitely not the largest patty ever. Definitely flattened down. But I guess in the Haas household where patties are thick and flavorless, I much prefer the BBB one. As far as "herd extermination," the popularity of BBB amongst locals and fans across Houston would definitely place herds of Angus cows in jeopardy.
Herd Killer Rating: 5

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TBG Handling
"Despite the picture - the BBB was not huge. It wasn't small by any means - but it is not a big bulky burger. The buns on the burger are soft. No sesame seeds, just your run of the mill buns. It does require 2 hands to eat, but you could also one hand it if you really had to.
Handing Rating: 3 "


ME Handling
Sadly, here I must agree with the TBG. I say sadly because I want so desperately for my burger to win. In this category though, BBB does not even begin to compete. I was able to hold my burger with one hand and take a picture using my other. Point proven. Though in reference to the buns, I love how BBB toasts them on the grill. I'll tack on a point for that :)
Handling Rating: 2

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TBG Bling Bling
"The money you pay for this is being spent on the flavor. It really isn't a big bulky burger. It isn't meant to make your belt bust off or a button to shoot off your shirt from eating it. The burger I had was 3.55 plus they charge 50 cents for cheese to bring the total to $4.05. All in all - it isn't excessive. Pretty standard cost for a burger at a mom and pop.
Bling Bling rating: 5"


ME Bling Bling
I did not order cheese on my burger. 60 cents saved there. I order water as my beverage. 80 cents saved there. My burger, consisting of lettuce, ketchup and mustard cost my $4.05. Note that this is the price for 2011, while the Texas Burger Guy visited BBB in 2004. Overall, I think it's a reasonable price. Then again, one burger fills me up. Take it for what it's worth. I'm adding my more points to the rating though because once (maybe twice) a year, BBB sells its burgers for the original price from the 1970's.....less than $1 for a burger. :) It's like Christmas.
Bling Bling Rating: 8

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OVERALL

TBG Overall Rating
Bellaire Broiler Burger was not all I hoped it to be. The burger was pretty good - not great - just good. It definitely had flavor. If you don't like the grilled flavor - you won't like this place. The best part for me was the building itself and the atmosphere inside. I love little hole in the wall type place and BBB is definitely a hole in the wall. This restaurant has been around for a very long time and it has a lot of local appeal. For me though - it is all about the burger. Make the burgers a little more mean and the Texas Burger Guy rating will go up.
Overall TBG Rating for Bellaire Broiler Burger: 6

A measly six. Well in my arbitrary system of rating, I give BBB an 9.5 And if I was stranded on an island and could only eat one item for the rest of my life, I would deeply consider making a Bellaire Broiler Burger my food of choice.

Next up besides more burger reviews and my trip to GuAtEmAlA....perhaps some Geocaching :)

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